An Anonymous Story

Looking back, I was an anxious child. I would ask my mother where we were going, what time, who was going to be there, how long would it take to get there, and so on. I had to know every detail in order to feel "okay". I struggled with anorexia from 2008-2010, finally being hospitalized for 6 weeks. I thought I was "fine", but I was merely painting a picture, using exercise to numb the pain. I developed exercise bulimia and relapsed into my eating disorder again in 2013 after I found my brother dead from a heroin overdose. My mom chose to keep his cause of death a secret, even to his best friend. She finally disclosed the information to him a year later after pressing her about the issue. I spent 4 weeks in a hospital after reporting suicidal ideation, but this did nothing. I felt empty. Numb. Like was dark, but I pushed through.
Fast forward to 2015, when I was still struggling with my eating disorder, but was maintaining. However, I decided to end my life. I took a handful of pills, many of which I still do not know what they treated. The only meds I knew I took were my step-father blood pressure medication. I remember grabbing any and every bottle. I didn't care. All I remember is lying on my bed and then waking up in a hospital room over 24 hours later. The doctor told me that if I would have taken even just one more pill I would not be alive. I still didn't care. The pain was too much. I spent a week in the hospital, observed 24 hours a day. Upon my discharge I found out that my boyfriend of 2.5 years was cheating on my the entire time. Instead of falling deeper, something inside of my found an ounce of hope. I began healing. I met a guy who we will call Steve-- he showed me my worth and lifted me up. Since then I have had a few moments in which I struggled with my eating disorder, as I relapsed AGAIN. I had moved out of state and had no one around me. I felt alone. For a year I was at a dangerously low weight. I was losing hope again, but just trying to make it. Then, long story short, I met a guy at the gym. Well, he met me, because I had no clue he even went to the gym I went to. Anywho, we dated and are now happily married. He is my light and has shown me that I am beautiful even when I am broken.
To anyone struggling, there is HOPE. YOU are HOPE.

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